My last week could be summarised like this:
The week started awesome, a lot of fun.
Than there was the message about Bombay being attacked,
and the fun became worries, and sadness.
Sadness because apparently terrorism can't be stopped,
if nobody's going to do something.
Never before I felt such a strong desire to have peace in the world,
to have people living together without fights, wars and innocent people dying.
Why do people look like I told the greatest fairytale ever,
when I say to them that terrorism can be stopped or at least reduced
if the whole world unites?
It's not a fairytale,
but if nobody believes in peace,
there will NEVER be peace.
Lately I feel like I keep saying the same things,
but I just have to keep telling people
that they could make peace, as long as they try hard enough.
As long as they really, really, really want it.
My love for the country called India,
my love for my favourite city in the world, called Bombay,
makes me want to fight all wars, all violence.
Not with weapons.
Not by killing everyone that disagrees with me.
By words, by showing others what you can reach by love,
by the power of friendship and by the power of truly believing in your own dreams.
And following them wherever they take you.
That's exactly what I'm going to do:
Last week gave me a new dream bigger than life,
somehow I'm gonna bring a little peace to the world.
Even if it's the littlest bit ever,
it's a dream to die for.
A dream to follow forever,
a dream to follow until I reach my goal.
Nobody can stop me.
maandag 1 december 2008
vrijdag 14 november 2008
a very short message..
there's no long story needed today.
the clouds seem to form his name.
the rain sounds like his name.
the forest whispers his name.
there's nothing to deny, there's only the fact that
I love you.
Love like nobody knows,
love like nobody but you will ever know.
I wish to be with you,
I dream of being with you.
the clouds seem to form his name.
the rain sounds like his name.
the forest whispers his name.
there's nothing to deny, there's only the fact that
I love you.
Love like nobody knows,
love like nobody but you will ever know.
I wish to be with you,
I dream of being with you.
woensdag 12 november 2008
if you love someone..
"wolken lijken te vluchten", the start of a Dutch song. An old song, that usually
people my parents age listen to.. but I love it. It represents my own feelings:
feelings of losing something you truly love. Different in my life than the life sung about in the song is that I gain something new to love.. everytime I lose, I gain.
New experiences waiting for me, new people, new countries, new cultures.
"kan de wereld laten zien, dat het zo beter is misschien.."
I lost the place I love, but I gained new friends..
I gained someone that shows me the secrets of life.. and he will keep on doing so.
He's in my memory, he's in my mind, he's in my words.
Sometimes he even seems to be in my cat's eyes.. 8 weeks old, but full of things she knows which I don't know. She should tell me everything she knows.. She reminds me of great days, she's named after great days. She's my living memory, she's the representative of my future.
She's me in cat form: stubborn, living for danger, and her eyes are the mirrors of her soul.
"I worked so hard to be what I am, but sometimes things don't go the way you want them to. You know that, I know that, everyone knows that.. But why do I feel down everytime I can't get to him? Everytime I wake up from a dream about being with him, but not getting close enough. Would he have the same dreams? Can a dream be the place where we meet?"
Again I don't know the answers to the questions. I was daydreaming about dancing in the rain, about flying with the wind, about talking to him.. about being with him. Is he in love with a memory.. does he know who I really am? Does he feel what I feel?
"No use in asking questions about feelings. Feelings always show.. I try so hard to be the one to him.. He knows, he knows what I feel. I know what he feels, but I haven't seen what he feels, he hasn't seen what I feel. Whenever you can see love, when you can sense love.. at that moment you know it's right. And even if I have to share him with his other love.. I will always love him."
Confused.. that's what you could call me right now. What she said was again so true. I wonder how she knows all this.. There's no other love in my case.. Or well.. there is. But none I should fear.. I should only fear my own love, my own feelings..
As we walk, I set you free.
people my parents age listen to.. but I love it. It represents my own feelings:
feelings of losing something you truly love. Different in my life than the life sung about in the song is that I gain something new to love.. everytime I lose, I gain.
New experiences waiting for me, new people, new countries, new cultures.
"kan de wereld laten zien, dat het zo beter is misschien.."
I lost the place I love, but I gained new friends..
I gained someone that shows me the secrets of life.. and he will keep on doing so.
He's in my memory, he's in my mind, he's in my words.
Sometimes he even seems to be in my cat's eyes.. 8 weeks old, but full of things she knows which I don't know. She should tell me everything she knows.. She reminds me of great days, she's named after great days. She's my living memory, she's the representative of my future.
She's me in cat form: stubborn, living for danger, and her eyes are the mirrors of her soul.
"I worked so hard to be what I am, but sometimes things don't go the way you want them to. You know that, I know that, everyone knows that.. But why do I feel down everytime I can't get to him? Everytime I wake up from a dream about being with him, but not getting close enough. Would he have the same dreams? Can a dream be the place where we meet?"
Again I don't know the answers to the questions. I was daydreaming about dancing in the rain, about flying with the wind, about talking to him.. about being with him. Is he in love with a memory.. does he know who I really am? Does he feel what I feel?
"No use in asking questions about feelings. Feelings always show.. I try so hard to be the one to him.. He knows, he knows what I feel. I know what he feels, but I haven't seen what he feels, he hasn't seen what I feel. Whenever you can see love, when you can sense love.. at that moment you know it's right. And even if I have to share him with his other love.. I will always love him."
Confused.. that's what you could call me right now. What she said was again so true. I wonder how she knows all this.. There's no other love in my case.. Or well.. there is. But none I should fear.. I should only fear my own love, my own feelings..
As we walk, I set you free.
donderdag 6 november 2008
there's only one person..
"There's only one person in the whole wide world, who can read my mind, who knows what I'm going to say before I even thought it.. there's only one person who can say that he owns all my love and my whole heart."
She was back, everytime I felt like the day couldn't get worse, she was there to cheer me up.
And she seemed to be feeling what I felt without knowing it, she was the only one who would understand whatever I told her. I smiled at her and nodded.. I had been feeling bad all day because I felt torn up and ripped down.
"I've been thinking and I know for sure that all I ever wanted is in him, I can tell by his eyes and his smile. He doesn't know yet, but I think that I will never love another."
She didn't have much to tell today, but she was there to feel with me, and I felt better.. even without her speaking words that would break anyone's heart. I had been trying to not show to anyone how sad I felt on the inside. I had been smiling all day and.. it felt like wearing a mask.
Whoever said that "people wear a mask, it's hard to find their real identity", he/she was a genius. Everyone does it all the time. There's no reason to not say what you feel.. Who can ever deny love? Love will show.
"I feel like someone parted my heart from my body. I must have left it at the country of my dreams. It feels like the Promised Land, but than in a different way.. in my Promised Land there will be love waiting for me, there will be peace and there will be freedom. I won't be .. attached to rules and things I MUST do. I will be living a day to day life, and I will be living my dream.. Sometimes I feel like breaking free, breaking through barriers people throw up for me. They don't know that love breaks every barrier they can think of. I won't lose the one I love, because I'm taking him for granted.. It feels like he was an early birthdaygift, the best gift I ever had, and the best gift I will ever get."
She looked at me with an hopeful smile. I didn't know what to say, she was right, but how could I ever explain to her that there's disappointment waiting in every phase of life, and that she will be heartbroken when she's disappointed in love. I couldn't tell her so, I didn't want her to lose faith in love.
"I can't help, but surrender my everything to him. He's in my thoughts when I wake up, when I go to sleep, when I'm at school or at work, with friends or all alone. He's the first one that makes me feel at peace when I'm just laying down in the grass watching the clouds passing by and feeling the sun warming the earth."
I totally agreed. People who are in love experience sunlight, wind, rain, falling leaves (or whatever small things happen that most people don't even notice) in a different way.
That's the way it is, and the way it will always be.
She was back, everytime I felt like the day couldn't get worse, she was there to cheer me up.
And she seemed to be feeling what I felt without knowing it, she was the only one who would understand whatever I told her. I smiled at her and nodded.. I had been feeling bad all day because I felt torn up and ripped down.
"I've been thinking and I know for sure that all I ever wanted is in him, I can tell by his eyes and his smile. He doesn't know yet, but I think that I will never love another."
She didn't have much to tell today, but she was there to feel with me, and I felt better.. even without her speaking words that would break anyone's heart. I had been trying to not show to anyone how sad I felt on the inside. I had been smiling all day and.. it felt like wearing a mask.
Whoever said that "people wear a mask, it's hard to find their real identity", he/she was a genius. Everyone does it all the time. There's no reason to not say what you feel.. Who can ever deny love? Love will show.
"I feel like someone parted my heart from my body. I must have left it at the country of my dreams. It feels like the Promised Land, but than in a different way.. in my Promised Land there will be love waiting for me, there will be peace and there will be freedom. I won't be .. attached to rules and things I MUST do. I will be living a day to day life, and I will be living my dream.. Sometimes I feel like breaking free, breaking through barriers people throw up for me. They don't know that love breaks every barrier they can think of. I won't lose the one I love, because I'm taking him for granted.. It feels like he was an early birthdaygift, the best gift I ever had, and the best gift I will ever get."
She looked at me with an hopeful smile. I didn't know what to say, she was right, but how could I ever explain to her that there's disappointment waiting in every phase of life, and that she will be heartbroken when she's disappointed in love. I couldn't tell her so, I didn't want her to lose faith in love.
"I can't help, but surrender my everything to him. He's in my thoughts when I wake up, when I go to sleep, when I'm at school or at work, with friends or all alone. He's the first one that makes me feel at peace when I'm just laying down in the grass watching the clouds passing by and feeling the sun warming the earth."
I totally agreed. People who are in love experience sunlight, wind, rain, falling leaves (or whatever small things happen that most people don't even notice) in a different way.
That's the way it is, and the way it will always be.
maandag 3 november 2008
about a very special girl..
Today I met a special girl.
She was there and I was there,
there was no introduction needed.
Our conversation came naturally,
and this was what she told me:
"I don't know where to start, I don't know why I'm telling this to a perfect stranger..
but it will be happening for some reason.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do, what I should feel, what I should think..
I live at a place I shouldn't be living at, I live in a country that's not my home, I should be far away from the place they call "home". I should be at my real home, in a country far, far away with brown-eyed people, all so easy-going. In a country where I will never fit in, even if I try the hardest I could ever try. And even though I know I won't fit in: it's the only place I ever really longed for.
I want to be around those people, who seem so loving to me, even though they have their own problems and they're not perfect, no-one is.
I want to be at a place where nature is still nature, where the unknown still has power over people. Most of all I want to be with a person that means the world to me; he has it all. Whenever I feel down he is there to tell me that I should just flow with life, that I should take life the way it comes."
Tears ran down her cheeks while she was telling me this, but still her voice stayed clear.. She made no other sound than just her voice telling. It looked as if she was standing in the rain, and raindrops were running down her face.. Rain, just for her.
"He doesn't know that whatever I do, I do it to get closer to him.. To make him love me, for real. That he will at some point think he cannot live without me, and that he'll be with me until the end of life. He's not supposed to know all this, he wouldn't understand. How could he if I don't even understand my own words? It's just a feeling.. I don't think you will understand it."
I did, I felt the same way about someone.. She was unable to see in my expression that I understood her so well.. Her eyes looked distant, as if she was looking at someone else, standing far behind me.
"I'm trying to find out how I should tell you the rest of my story.. I feel him around me, I really do. When I wake up, I feel that he should be with me.. When I get to sleep, I feel he should be there to kiss me goodnight, but he's never really there. Whenever tears coming from my eyes touch the ground I can almost feel him touching me and whispering some easing words.. And I try so hard to just make it feel less .. like the thriving force in my life but I can't stop the feelings I have. I'm only at the beginning of my life, in which I hope to find everything I wanted a long time ago, because nowadays there's nothing left that I want more than fulfilling the dream I have about him and me.."
She stopped talking and uncomfortably looked at me. I smiled, tried to make her feel better. I was wondering what kind of man that was if he could make somebody feel like that. I knew what she felt, I had that feeling too.. but still: who was that man? Why was he not there with her?
As if she read my mind, she continued.
"He's just not around because he has his own life, right? He should do what he really desires, I can't ask him to give up on everything he loves just because I'm a random girl in his life.. He has seen much more than I did.. I could travel the whole wide world, but he has seen.. He has so many wise words, and I don't really care where he gets them from, these words keep me walking with my head up. Whatever people say, I love him and I will never stop loving him!"
I looked at her, surprised about how somebody could be so capable of reading someone else's mind and telling the other person's feelings so accurately. She took a deep breath and finished the last part of her story.
"You have probably heard of the Harry Potter-series, right? I read the first 6 parts, and in the 6th part one of the many characters dies, and he's just a person existing on paper, he will never get real and do the things he does in the book, but still.. his death made me cry. I realised how easy you get attached to someone, make yourself vulnerable to someone else, give your heart and let him decide on breaking or cherishing it."
Her story was finished, she was done. She would leave, or I would leave, and if we would ever met again would be decided by destiny, not by us. When taking a closer look at her, I saw she had the same eyes as I have.. Matter of fact, she had the same hair, and the same face.. she was just like me. Slowly I realised: she was me, I created her to show myself that there was no way I would ever be able to deny what I felt.. She was no ghost or illusion, she was a living, talking version of my soul.
She was there and I was there,
there was no introduction needed.
Our conversation came naturally,
and this was what she told me:
"I don't know where to start, I don't know why I'm telling this to a perfect stranger..
but it will be happening for some reason.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do, what I should feel, what I should think..
I live at a place I shouldn't be living at, I live in a country that's not my home, I should be far away from the place they call "home". I should be at my real home, in a country far, far away with brown-eyed people, all so easy-going. In a country where I will never fit in, even if I try the hardest I could ever try. And even though I know I won't fit in: it's the only place I ever really longed for.
I want to be around those people, who seem so loving to me, even though they have their own problems and they're not perfect, no-one is.
I want to be at a place where nature is still nature, where the unknown still has power over people. Most of all I want to be with a person that means the world to me; he has it all. Whenever I feel down he is there to tell me that I should just flow with life, that I should take life the way it comes."
Tears ran down her cheeks while she was telling me this, but still her voice stayed clear.. She made no other sound than just her voice telling. It looked as if she was standing in the rain, and raindrops were running down her face.. Rain, just for her.
"He doesn't know that whatever I do, I do it to get closer to him.. To make him love me, for real. That he will at some point think he cannot live without me, and that he'll be with me until the end of life. He's not supposed to know all this, he wouldn't understand. How could he if I don't even understand my own words? It's just a feeling.. I don't think you will understand it."
I did, I felt the same way about someone.. She was unable to see in my expression that I understood her so well.. Her eyes looked distant, as if she was looking at someone else, standing far behind me.
"I'm trying to find out how I should tell you the rest of my story.. I feel him around me, I really do. When I wake up, I feel that he should be with me.. When I get to sleep, I feel he should be there to kiss me goodnight, but he's never really there. Whenever tears coming from my eyes touch the ground I can almost feel him touching me and whispering some easing words.. And I try so hard to just make it feel less .. like the thriving force in my life but I can't stop the feelings I have. I'm only at the beginning of my life, in which I hope to find everything I wanted a long time ago, because nowadays there's nothing left that I want more than fulfilling the dream I have about him and me.."
She stopped talking and uncomfortably looked at me. I smiled, tried to make her feel better. I was wondering what kind of man that was if he could make somebody feel like that. I knew what she felt, I had that feeling too.. but still: who was that man? Why was he not there with her?
As if she read my mind, she continued.
"He's just not around because he has his own life, right? He should do what he really desires, I can't ask him to give up on everything he loves just because I'm a random girl in his life.. He has seen much more than I did.. I could travel the whole wide world, but he has seen.. He has so many wise words, and I don't really care where he gets them from, these words keep me walking with my head up. Whatever people say, I love him and I will never stop loving him!"
I looked at her, surprised about how somebody could be so capable of reading someone else's mind and telling the other person's feelings so accurately. She took a deep breath and finished the last part of her story.
"You have probably heard of the Harry Potter-series, right? I read the first 6 parts, and in the 6th part one of the many characters dies, and he's just a person existing on paper, he will never get real and do the things he does in the book, but still.. his death made me cry. I realised how easy you get attached to someone, make yourself vulnerable to someone else, give your heart and let him decide on breaking or cherishing it."
Her story was finished, she was done. She would leave, or I would leave, and if we would ever met again would be decided by destiny, not by us. When taking a closer look at her, I saw she had the same eyes as I have.. Matter of fact, she had the same hair, and the same face.. she was just like me. Slowly I realised: she was me, I created her to show myself that there was no way I would ever be able to deny what I felt.. She was no ghost or illusion, she was a living, talking version of my soul.
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